The Victim Mentality

Dr. Thomas J. Nevitt Ph.D

Our society is full of people who, through their own limiting beliefs, have settled into becoming victims of their circumstances. They feel powerless to make changes in their lives because they think that the elements of their lives are out of their control. All too often they're quick to ask, "Why do bad things keep happening to me? "You probably know someone like this. They are the "why me?" people who always seem to have an excuse for the things in their life that aren't working. And much of what is in their lives isn't working as well as it could be. They have poor health or bad relationships; they have dead-end jobs or chronic financial problems.

They have a hard time taking responsibility for themselves, their actions, mistakes, and even their own decisions. In short, being a victim requires a giving up of most, if not all, personal responsibility.When we allow ourselves to be victims, we are letting the people and circumstances in our lives dictate how we will feel, and ultimately, who we will be. Nobody – no matter how hard they try – can ever make someone else feel something that they don't want to feel. Think about that for a moment. You are ultimately capable to respond to much greater degrees than you do. True responsibility can be redefined to mean your ability to respond, fully capable to respond powerfully to the occurrences of your life. Because you are the only one able to choose your feelings and your responses to what is happening right now.We have all heard people say, "You make me mad." Or, "Don't make me feel guilty." But the truth is that no one can make us feel something – good or bad – unless we allow them to.

More accurately, we're the ones at the helm of our feelings. We get to choose to feel mad or happy, bad or good. But this choice is only possible when we first choose to be response able, able to respond to this moment's occurrence. To relinquish this ability to respond is what makes being a victim appear possible.Now I'm not saying that there aren't people out there who are genuine victims of crimes or injustices; I am saying that our response to each moment's occurrences, circumstances, situations, events, scenarios or people is what defines us. Remember, at root, nothing in life is ever just happening to us. Our life, as we choose to live it, is occurring withinasthru us. In short, we create our realities by virtue of who we're choosing to show up as, moment by moment. Who we're being dictates the thoughts we hold in our minds, the words we say and the actions we take.If we show up knowing life to be hard, and the obstacles we face are roadblocks, then we will stay stuck in that place of defeat.

If we instead come to see life's challenges as the very opportunities for us to be more, to grow and expand into larger experiences and expressions of our self, then a whole new set of possibilities will arise at every bend in the river. Even in the midst of a terrible experience, we always have the power to choose our response. We are always able to be responsible for who we're being in relationship to the experience.The victors choose to show up victorious, always growing from their experiences. Victims choose to be defeated by them. Who we show up as then becomes the living mirror of our life.

Again, nothing in your life is happening to you. Your life, exactly as IT IS this moment, as unique or bland as you're choosing to live it, is occurring withinasthru you. And it has always been so whether you've been living aware or unaware of this truth, conscious or unconscious. However, if you're adamant about being a victim; about letting other people or the events and circumstances of your life control your future, then you are still traveling down a path of pure choice. You've simply chosen to be victim. And if you are committed more to being a victim than living your life on purpose and with passion, that's okay too. Because as you choose to be either victim or victor, so shall your life reflect your choice.

The choice is always this simple. The choice is always now.Until you willingly accept that you are the only constant in your life, the only one who's been with you during every experience, every situation, every scenario, you probably will not choose to accept or receive the abundance that is yours to accept. In other words, you cannot be a victim and a victor; the two are mutually exclusive in this moment's choice. It doesn't make any difference how hard your life has been up to this point. One of the great beauties of this universe is that we have the option to change the course of our lives at every moment. In deed, only when we're willingness enough to be responsible to this moment, exactly as it is, do we truly have the power to choose a brighter tomorrow. Every moment of now holds the promise of a new choice. Ask yourself, "Do I want to be the victim or the victor; the receiver of life's abundant joy or a sufferer of life's miseries? "You can have what you ask for, but only if you are willing to take responsibility for what is occurring withinasthru you right now. Once you choose to live fully responsible for the asking, you'll come to also be responsible for the receiving. Give yourself credit for the achievements and the mistakes; the good choices and the bad ones. Then you will get that you are not a victim and never have been. You are a victor. Victory is yours withinasthru this moment's choice to be responsible.
Choose well.